I've had a long holiday from entries about Joseph. Much to my surprise, this was never a conscious decision and I haven't really tried (passing mentions in reference to my past don't count). I have, however been pleased to note that, for someone who goes to such effort to excise me from his life, he talks about me an awful lot. And with today's entry, I've moved up to the level of 'menace.' I'm so proud!
So let's see where we are, shall we? "It reminded me of the one I pushed away because he was all too smug in his ivory tower and shining the badge of intelligence and education as if it were all the proof he needed that he was right." I'm truly mystified about how it can be that being intelligent and informed on some given topic doesn't mean you might have something valuable to say. Frequently in our arguments, it would seem that no matter how much knowledge and personal experience I had on a subject, if my view differed from his, I was the irrational one; I was wrong. Oddly enough, I never actually told him he was wrong unless it was about a matter of fact of which I was absolutely certain.
"These things do not give you any bragging rights or make you better than the next man." For the record, I have never claimed to be "better" than any other person. I may know more about a topic or consider myself well, or better, informed. But I feel it's more his own insecurities than my own supposed hubris that creates this view that I live in an ivory tower and only occasionally deign to come down to mingle with the common people. Anyone else who knows me well would certainly refute his view. If I sometimes seem stuck-up to people, they soon come to realize it's because I'm fundamentally a very shy person and don't feel comfortable sticking my nose into unfamiliar situations or making small talk with unfamiliar people.
His bias against education, I think, stems from his own unpleasant and abortive experiences with higher education. But I think DeVry may not be the best institution upon which to base any broad-based opinions about the state of higher education in America. But let me state categorically that a number of the most intelligent and well-informed people I've ever known never made it through or to college (some didn't even finish high school) and some of the greatest idiots I've ever known graduated with prestigious degrees from famed institutions.
I find that his first instinct is to distrust the opinions of anyone with a college education and to believe that they're wrong, regardless of what their position is, what the subject is and whether that subject has anything to do with their field of study. It's really quite ridiculous.
"What I mind is being told by someone I thought was a friend that I sounded undereducated because I had the audacity to state my opinion however unpopular it was to the potheads on the channel." My understanding of the events that took place was that Joseph stated an opinion that he refused to back up with facts, reason or justification in the face of differing viewpoints that seemed at least cursorily to have some supporting arguments. Since he engaged them in debate and yet refused to support his position, they called him on his 'uninformed' (or some such terminology) position. Uninformed does to mean undereducated.
I'm sure that some of the people arguing with him were insulting and offensive, and I think that stinks. But there you have it.
I'm reminded very often how bad Joseph and I were for each other for a great fraction of the time we were together. Mostly, it's Mason's actions that do the reminding.
Some of my friends may remember the cell phone I had for a few months before my departure from the Bay Area. Joseph got it for me so we could keep in touch, since we both had busy schedules and were often long distances apart but trying to coordinate plans and such. It never seemed to fail that I would take a shower and he would call; I would run to the store briefly and leave the phone, and he would call; the phone would get bound up in the bed sheets and I wouldn't hear it ring. But I'd always call him back when I found that he'd called. Eventually, he took the phone away, saying that if I wasn't going to answer, there was no need for me to have it. He took the phone's various pieces, like the battery, and hid them in several places so I couldn't use it.
Recently, there was a spate of about a week straight where I never answered Mason's calls, either because I left my phone in the car, forgot it, etc. This, of course, followed and was followed by other times when I didn't answer. My abject apologies and near-abasement were met with gentle, and sincere, forgiveness. "As long as you answer some of the time, I don't care."
I also realized the other day that, although Joseph and I were together for two and a half years, in reality we were together for six months, and I spent the subsequent two years trying desperately to keep things from falling apart. Mason and I have surpassed that amount of time and things seem only to be growing stronger.
On a less judgmental note, it's funny that Joseph seemed to think from my comments about various music that I loved everything -- he noted how often I said something was a "favorite", indicating it was becoming meaningless (never mind that it was almost always used in a context similar to "Ooh, this is one of my favorite technopop songs by an '80s straight-gay duo with blond hair!"). Mason seems to think, on the other hand, that I hate everything. Strange how perspective changes everything.
On a more judgmental note (and before I say this, let me be clear that despite everything nasty I've ever said and may be about to say, Joseph is VERY dear to me; I want the best happiness for him in life and I hope to be a part of that life in some small way someday), I'd just like to make this outburst, get it off my chest and let it rest finally:
My gawd he's a sanctimonious and self-important prick most of the time.
Thank you. I feel all better now.
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